Skip to content. | Skip to navigation

Sections
Blog Section Banner
 
You are here: Home >> Blog >> Marie Fortune's Blogs >> Consent: Not Rocket Science—Really

Consent: Not Rocket Science—Really

Jun 04, 2015 — Categories: ,

What is it that people don’t understand about consent in sexual relationships? Evidently a lot, given the staggering numbers of rapes in the military, on campuses, in marriages… and everywhere else. I remember a conversation I had with a young woman in a church youth group. She said that her boyfriend had asked her to have sex with him. She declined and didn’t give a reason. She just didn’t want to do that with him at that time. He didn’t force her to have sex; he ended the relationship. So even though he didn’t assault her, he punished her for saying “no, not now.” She didn’t want to end the relationship; she just didn’t want to have sex. It was a deal breaker for him.

What is it that people don’t understand about consent in sexual relationships?  Evidently a lot, given the  staggering numbers of rapes in the military, on campuses, in marriages…and everywhere else.

I remember a conversation I had with a young woman in a church youth group. She said that her boyfriend had asked her to have sex with him. She declined and didn’t give a reason. She just didn’t want to do that with him at that time. He didn’t force her to have sex; he ended the relationship. So even though he didn’t assault her, he punished her for saying “no, not now.”  She didn’t want to end the relationship; she just didn’t want to have sex. It was a deal breaker for him.

So consent is about having the capacity and the real option to say “yes” or “no” to someone else’s sexual initiative. If you say “no,” you shouldn’t be punished. If you’re punished for saying no,it's the same as saying “you can’t say ‘no’.” That’s not a choice, and that’s not consent.

Here are two videos that  show what consent is about. Both are appropriate for sharing with young adults:

Fortunately, this seems to be a lively conversation at the moment. If religious youth groups spent time discussing this, they would be doing primary prevention work, preparing young people to cope with the complexities of sexual interaction. Might be more useful than planning the next car wash.

I’m just sayin’...

Rev. Dr. Marie M. Fortune
www.FaithTrustInstitute.org
Subscribe to my blog

 

We welcome your comments. Please note that your comments will not be visible until they are approved by the moderator.

Document Actions

Consent

Posted by Catherine Fransson at Jun 04, 2015 07:52 PM
Fortune has such a gentle, yet direct and true message, that those feeling nudged by it must hardly feel it. I so appreciate her voice.